Renowned Nigerian dancer and fitness coach, Kafayat Oluwatoyin Shafau, popularly known as Kaffy, has opened up about the challenges single mothers face in relationships, stressing that divorced women should not be unfairly judged or stereotyped.
Speaking during a podcast, the celebrated choreographer revealed that she has personally faced discrimination because of her marital status.
“I’ve had somebody tell me because I’m a single mother, he can’t even think about dating me because I have two children,” Kaffy disclosed.
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The Guinness World Record holder, who separated from her husband in 2022, questioned the mindset that sees divorced women as less worthy partners, insisting that such women may even be better candidates for marriage if they have gone through healing and personal growth.
“What makes you think that a woman that has been divorced is not even the better candidate?” she asked. “If she has worked on herself, what is the guarantee that the two single people today are not both going to be divorced people tomorrow?”
Kaffy also challenged the common cultural narrative that places a premium on marrying a partner “fresh,” suggesting that both singles and divorcees face similar risks in today’s reality where marital breakdowns are increasingly common.
“Why do people feel like, ‘No, I need to marry him fresh and I need to marry her fresh’? But both of you are going into the same data that the world has computed for you. There are over 70% of marriages crashed. You are part of the 70%,” she explained.
Beyond addressing societal perceptions, Kaffy also delved into the concept of love, warning that feelings often described as “butterflies in the tummy” can sometimes stem from trauma rather than genuine affection.
“Do you know that a lot of butterfly in the tummy is a trauma response? Real love brings peace, not butterflies. You love someone; it’s not supposed to make you anxious,” she said.
Reflecting on her own journey of healing, the 45-year-old mother of two admitted that she had spent a significant portion of her adult life trying to fix a broken relationship while also prioritizing her children.
“I am still healing from those anxious feelings because for a long time, I felt like I was failing,” Kaffy revealed.
“I’ve spent the last 10 years of my adult life trying to fix, and my children were looking at us. I thought if I had to leave, people would think I’m irresponsible. But I know how responsible I am as a woman. I don’t sleep around. I don’t do casual stuff.”
Kaffy emphasized that divorce does not define a woman’s worth and urged society to stop stigmatizing single mothers, noting that responsibility and character matter more than marital labels.
